The last time Mae Young appeared on WWE television, it was the worst segment I’d ever seen…and that’s saying something since I’m old enough to remember the Gobbledy Gooker hatching from his Thanksgiving egg. It was the New Year’s Eve edition of Raw and she was part of a reenactment of her most famous (or infamous) moment from the Attitude Era. She was declared to be miraculously pregnant once again, but the payoff (if you can call it that), instead of a rubber hand, was that by the end of the night she had somehow given birth to Baby New Year, aka Hornswoggle in a diaper. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler did their apologetic, ‘I can’t believe we just saw that’ schtick and then the whole thing was mercifully never mentioned again. It was one of those moments where you felt the embarrassment of being a wrestling fan and knew that if anyone had seen you watching that, your embarrasment would have been completely justified.
Needless to say, I was not looking forward to what WWE had in store for Mae Young’s 90th birthday party. So color me shocked and delighted when I found it to be the most entertaining two minutes since I came back from my six year sabbatical. I have watched this clip several times now and it’s like the gift that keeps on giving. Every time, I see something I didn’t notice the last time. See, WWE, you don’t have to waste our time and insult our intelligence with poorly scripted juvenile sequences. Just throw everyone on the stage together and let the magic happen organically. Here’s the breakdown:
0:07: Khali and Daniel Bryan in street clothes! Mark Henry in the world’s largest sweater. Only pro wrestlers could look weird when dressed normally.
0:39: Damien Sandow stays in character, looking completely disgusted by two men hugging. Or maybe he just hates Mean Gene and Santino. Probably the latter.
0:44: Mark Henry is counting to make sure there really are 90 candles.
1:22: “Please don’t fall over and die on us.” – probably what all the divas holding Mae Young up are thinking.
1:31: Mark Henry breaks character to slide over and embrace the woman who helped him get over 15 years ago. They have a hand together! The camera quickly cuts away to a shot of the announcers so as not to destroy the illusion that Mark Henry is a monster heel and not, in fact, the biggest, softest teddy bear in the world.
1:42: Punk’s music hits to interrupt the proceedings. “Yeah!” shouts Michael McGillicutty from the back of the crowd. I don’t think that was the agreed upon reaction, but what are they gonna do, bury him more? Some great “proper” reactions come from other heels as Darren Young very loudly cries, “What the hell?” and Rosa gives Punk the stink eye.
1:51: Punk cuts through the crowd, not giving a shit. No-selling a birthday party is awesome and all, but if Punk was trying to piss off the birthday girl, well, better luck next time because Mae Young is oblivious. She’s probably too deaf to even know that “Happy Birthday” had been cut off by “Cult of Personality.”
1:58: Paul Heyman also has to work his way through the people and is not entirely sure he will be allowed through since he is not “the best in the world.” Punk confidently marches down the aisle while Paul keeps looking back to make absolutely sure everyone is going to let them get away with what they just did.
2:04: “CM Punk: Superstar” is displayed on the old school graphic, which means that Punk is not exactly being a rude jerk. He’s just coming out for his match! Why is everyone so mad then? Shouldn’t they be more pissed off at the production crew or the director?
Tagged: cm punk, Damien Sandow, daniel bryan, darren young, hornswoggle, jerry lawler, mae young, mark henry, mean gene, michael cole, michael mcgillicutty, old school raw, paul heyman, rosa, santino
The Irish Whip 
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