WWE has been touting their post-Wrestlemania creative resurgence as a “new era.” (Thats’ tout as in “v. to describe or advertise boastfully.” not Tout, the WWE-sponsored app that failed to overtake Vine and Snapchat in the social media landscape). And what better place to test the waters of a new era than at a forgettable, filler pay-per-view that keeps hopping around the yearly schedule? Quick: What was the last Payback main event and what month did it take place in*? Extra credit: Name any match that has ever happened at a Payback event prior to 2016. Still, it’s not Payback’s fault that it’s Payback. Its ignominious status as a lesser pay-per-view with an impermanent place does not mean that this edition of the event was not intriguing and fully indicative of the the new creative direction WWE is trying to take.
I like that they’re giving Mauro Ranallo an active role on the big events by letting him call the preshow matches. The downside is that when the real show starts, Michael Cole becomes even more of a glaring weakness. Then again, if Cole wasn’t out there being sub-par, we wouldn’t get Kevin Owens calling him out on it.
I had no idea Baron Corbin vs Dolph Ziggler was a preshow match. Either a case of not advertising enough or advertising so much that I tuned out the hype machine. I guess Ziggler won which is a headscratcher to say the least.
Heart-eye emoji to Ryback for his weight belt saying “The Preshow Stopper.” The spot of the match was the Big Guy breaking out a press slam from the top rope. Silly that Kalisto no sold it and it led directly to the end of the match, but I enjoy seeing things I’ve never seen before. Press slam from the top rope deserved better. Very surprised Ryback didn’t take the US title from Kalisto to transition it back to John Cena. Had I made official predictions, I would have been 0-2 to start. New era, wooo!
A topic that comes up often when people talk about stepping in a wrestling ring for the first time is how surprisingly hard the ropes are. That point was certainly driven home when Enzo Amore concussed himself by hitting his face on them as he was thrown from the ring. At full speed it was one of the scarier “real injury” moments I can ever remember. Disappointing that the injury bug struck again and ruined the first official match of the new era but it sounds like Enzo is okay and that is obviously much more important. So Vaudevillains win by stoppage, yes? The bell rang but they never announced anything.
Kevin Owens finally came through on his promise to make WWE the Kevin Owens Show last night. He beat arch rival, Sami Zayn, surprisingly clean in the middle of the ring (Maybe not surprising. Sami loses a lot). Then he stuck around to kill it on commentary for the IC title match. Sore loser Sami jumped him in the middle of it and the brawl that spilled into the ring ended up costing Cesaro the championship. Trying hard to keep the faith with the Swiss Superman that the push is real this time but he came off looking like a little bit of a chump here. If you have a guy tapping out, what is the point of getting distracted just because the ref is? Keep cranking that hold until the ref comes back! Make Miz suffer!
Dean Ambrose went over Chris Jericho. I like both of these guys and it was a perfectly fine match but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t start playing Candy Crush during it.
Charlotte and Natalya have chemistry and their showcase of the new women’s division did not disappoint in the talent department. That ending though. I get what they were going for with the recreation of the Montreal Screwjob (for the 10,00th time btw) but the groundwork was not done on the main roster level for this to come off as anything other than a confusing mess. The Screwjob will never die so that reference is probably fine, but do most people know that referee Charles Robinson was known as Little Naitch in WCW and has a connection to Ric Flair? Do most people know about Robinson’s recent history as a sketchy ref in NXT when he tried to help Eva Marie go over Bayley? I would say most people do not. This was a good match with a bad ending, which honestly is becoming the calling card of the new era at this point.
The Chicago crowd was kind of annoying during the Vince McMahon segment with their CM Punk chants and yelling WHAT, which is never funny or good. Especially because I was actually invested in what Vince’s decision would be and wanted to hear him talk. How often can you say that? And then the answer to ‘Who Runs Raw: Shane or Stephanie?’ was C) both. This was a lame decision that killed the crowd. Stephanie and Shane both made good points and arguments for why they should be in control. It was a decent enough talking segment considering it was taking up pay-per-view time and then squirt… Wet fart. There are possibly real life factors that require the placating of both children, but it did not translate into any excitement over the new era.
What can be said about Roman Reigns at this point? He’s not a good wrestler. He’s not a bad wrestler. He’s a wrestler. He’s so far lost as a potential top babyface since the crowd is now conditioned to boo him as the “cool” thing to do. His match with AJ was fine but there’s too much baggage now. Barring a Shield reunion, the crowd is never going to respond to Reigns the way they’re “supposed to.” As soon as Styles won by count-out and the match was restarted, it was pretty obvious where things were headed. Gallows and Anderson factored in after it became No DQ but it didn’t matter. Roman overcame the odds just like Cena would have. I’m numb to it and it wasn’t unexpected. The true disappointment came with the lack of story development. No Finn Balor debut. No reformation of “a club.” Gallows and Anderson’s loyalties remain unknown.
In the end, Payback was the filler pay-per-view it was always destined to be. No title changes. No story resolutions. Grade: B: the in-ring performances and the fresh faces continue to liven things up even in the face of underwhelming writing.
Camp WWE is terrible.
*- last year’s Payback was on May 17 and the main event was Seth Rollins defending against Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Randy Orton in a Fatal Fourway match.
It was a year of loss in WWE. It all began in January when CM Punk abruptly quit the business without public explanation. Daniel Bryan finally cemented his status as a top tier guy, only to have it ripped away by a career-threatening injury. Batista came back but left again just as he was finding his stride. Seth Rollins broke our collective heart when he destroyed The Shield. Roman Reigns, set to be the break out star from that fallout, was soon after put on the shelf with a hernia. And of course, the massive stock price drop in the wake of the new WWE Network’s underperformance & a less-than-projected television deal led to a major trimming of the roster.
Still, in the midst of these chaotic times for the front office, the television product keeps chugging along, some of it great, some of it not-so-great. Here is my list of the performers who had the most impact on the show in 2014. It’s the 2nd annual WWE Year End Power Rankings*:
*Parentheses indicate last year’s ranking and movement upward or downward.
100. Aksana (83, -17): The lovely Lithuanian was let go as part of the great roster purge of June 2014. Even after 4 years with the company, she still looked green and was overly prone to injuring other Divas.
99. David Otunga (88, -11): Having somehow survived the roster cuts, the A-Lister is the new champion of the “this guy is still around?” conversation. He had a cup of coffee in the Wrestlemania Battle Royal, but was otherwise unseen for the entire calendar year.
98. Josh Mathews (85, -13): Things had been looking up for the long time floating announcer when the network debuted and he finally found a role as the host of the Raw pre and post shows. Unfortunately, being used more didn’t stop him from getting cut and replaced by Renee Young.
97. Brad Maddox (68, -29): The Authority taking on a full time television role made GMs for individual shows superfluous, so Maddox was written off of Raw. He still has a presence on WWE’s internet content but has yet to be seen on television since getting the boot.
96. Tyler Breeze (-,-): NXT got a tag team showcase on a summer episode of Raw and the up and comers did not waste the opportunity. Unfortunately for “Prince Pretty,” he was a bit overshadowed by his opponents. He will undoubtedly get a call up and be higher on this list in 2015.
95. Eden (-,-): Mrs. Cody Rhodes graduated to main roster ring announcing to replace the departed Justin Roberts. She has not drawn attention to herself either with mistakes or by being really great at the job. She could have the gig for years, she could lose it next week.
94. Brodus Clay (47, -47): He lost his music. He lost his tag team partner. He lost his dancers. He lost his job.
Funk is rolling out the door.
93.Byron Saxton (-,-): A reliable utility player on the announcing team, Byron can competently handle everything from house show ring announcing to a slightly heelish analyst on Main Event and everything in between.
92. The Great Khali (55, -37): One of the head-scratching roster cut survivors, the little-used big man was finally shown the door in the fall. He can still be seen walking slowly and stiffly into the sunset.
91. Ricardo Rodriguez (60, -31): Had a few matches in NXT hiding under a luchador mask but was only seen as the Rodriguez character when he was at the Spanish announcer’s table for pay-per-views. Asked for and received a release.
90. Eva Marie (77, -13): Doesn’t see much in-ring action as she is still very green. Her primary role is to continue taking up space on the Total Divas reality show.
89. Adrian Neville (-,-): The high-flyer only had one match on the main roster but he took full advantage, leaving the WWE Universe’s collective jaw dropped with his swift kicks and electric finisher. A nine month reign as NXT Champion all but guarantees he will be called up in 2015.
88. Rey Mysterio (49, -39): Rey’s biggest moment of the year came at the Royal Rumble when he was booed simply because he wasn’t Daniel Bryan in the #30 spot. He has been locked in a bitter contract dispute and has been refused the release he has very publicly been asking for.
87. Booker T (69, -18): The Hall of Famer reestablished a television presence by becoming a permanent fixture on the pre and post show expert panels. He doesn’t always make sense, but he is never boring.
86. Darren Young (43, -43): Young didn’t get much TV time in 2014 when he was lost to an ACL injury. There were rumors he was going to be revealed as the man behind Adam Rose’s bunny, but that never materialized.
85. Sami Zayn (-,-): Like Breeze and Neville, Zayn impressed the crowd during the Raw showcase of NXT talent. His hard fought losses to Tyson Kidd on Main Event clearly indicate that his permanent status on the main roster is imminent.
84. Alex Riley (78, -6): Pulls double duty as an NXT announcer and a panelist on the network pre and post shows. Has shown improvement in the last year but can still be a bit annoying at times.
83. Jinder Mahal (61, -22): Easily the most shocking moment of the roster purge came when 2/3 of the 3 Man Band were handed the pink slip. 3MB was quietly doing an effective job as midcard jobbers and spent a good portion of the year involved in the surprisingly engaging blood feud between Hornswoggle and El Torito.
82. Drew McIntyre (54, -28): You idiots! He was the most talented one!
81. Tom Phillips (-,-): A solid play by play man who is clearly on the rise and being groomed to take over lead announcing duties on the diminished Smackdown brand.
80. Sting (-,-): The Franchise of WCW made his long overdue debut in WWE at Survivor Series. He may have “changed the course of history” in storyline, but his appearance was about fifteen years too late to have any lasting role as an in-ring performer. The dude is 55.
79. Rosa Mendes (87, +8): Got more TV time in 2014 when she was added to the cast of Total Divas, but she is still mostly horrible in the ring. She has been included as part of Fandango’s Spanish reboot, but she’s not a great dancer either.
78. Emma (-,-): The poster child for the main roster’s bungling of a character that was popular in NXT. Emma’s promotion was a disaster from the start, as she was paired in a comedy romance of sorts with Santino that fell flat at every turn. An alleged shoplifting incident cost her her job for a few hours until she was reinstated. She had a good showing at Survivor Series, so she may yet still dig her way out of a self-inflicted burial.
Oops.
77. Zack Ryder (66, -11): Not much TV time for the Long Island Broski in 2014. His fifteen minutes are officially up and he should be thankful he wasn’t part of the roster cuts. Yet.
76. Cameron (59, -17): After the break-up of the Funkadactyls, she developed a pretty good role as a conceited heel. It’s her ring work that leaves a lot to be desired. Calling for the ref to count a pin while your opponent is on their stomach is the kind of blooper that lives in infamy forever.
75. Vickie Guerrero (64, -11): Left WWE to pursue another career, presumably one where she won’t be humiliated on the reg. She was sent off in very memorable fashion after a quick face turn and a bit of revenge on the antagonistic Stephanie McMahon.
74. The Rock (6, -68): The Rock’s impact on the WWE product in 2014 was significantly less than in previous years. He shared the ring with Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin in an iconic opening segment at Wrestlemania. He also showed up unexpectedly at one Raw to verbally dress down Lana and Rusev.
73. Naomi (58, -15): If the Divas have a midcard, Naomi is stuck in it.
72. Justin Gabriel (67, -5): A staple of the B and C shows, the South African superstar continues to languish near the bottom of the roster. Me inexplicably ranking him higher than The Rock is the best thing that happened to him this year. Ehh…I hate The Rock. https://theirishwhipblog.wordpress.com/2013/03/30/5-reasons-why-i-hate-the-rock/
71. Santino Marella (52, -19): His courtship of Emma was an embarrassing flop. He announced his retirement at a house show but it was never acknowledged on TV. Has recently been used in non-competitive roles such as Larry the Cable Guy’s friend, interim Smackdown GM and Slammy presenter.
70. Xavier Woods (71, +1): His most prominent match was at Extreme Rules when he teamed with R-Truth to take on Rusev. It did not go well. Formed an angry black man stable with Big E and Kofi Kingston but it was quietly killed before it ever got off the ground. The faction recently returned to television as dancing, super happy babyfaces, the very thing Xavier was trying to rally his men against.
69. The Undertaker (35, -34): The Streak was ended in one of the most shocking moments of the year. Perhaps even more shocking should have been how bad the Dead Man looked during his one performance. He was sent to the hospital after his match with Brock Lesnar and he might be done for good this time.
68. Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury (-,-): It was a welcome and pleasant surprise when two of WWE’s road agents were given onscreen roles as the next generation of Briscoe and Patterson-esque stooges for The Authority. It looks like they might even stick around post-Authority as Seth Rollins’ personal security detail.
67. Sin Cara (70, +3): There’s a new man under the mask but mostly the same losing results on the main roster. He did, however, become an NXT tag team champion; the first established star to win gold in the developmental promotion.
66. The Bunny (-,-): When you’re accompanied to the ring by a dozen weirdos, one of them is bound to upstage you and that is exactly what happened to Adam Rose. Though reportedly played by several different superstars, there is no denying that whoever is in the bunny suit is helping keep the Exotic Express consistently on television.
“Hey, ‘guy with the rabbit’ is better than ‘guy who used to work here.'”
65. Tamina Snuka (73, +8): The daughter of the Superfly had a good run as AJ Lee’s enforcer, even challenging Paige for the Divas title at Extreme Rules. She disappeared after that loss and has not been seen since.
64. The New Age Outlaws (-,-): Billy Gunn and Road Dogg proved they could still go in the ring when they came back for the Road to Wrestlemania. They added another tag team title reign to their team resume and made a perfectly sensible heel turn to join their longtime cohort, Triple H, in the Authority.
63. Layla (82, +19): A much more productive year for the veteran of the Divas locker room. She had a somewhat prominent love triangle storyline when she became Fandango’s new dance partner after he dumped Summer Rae.
62. Zeb Colter (31, -31): The once controversial character was even further neutered in 2014 by a face turn. He can still cut a decent promo, but the fact that he manages an inconsistent midcarder doesn’t put much weight behind his words.
61. Natalya (45, -16): Like Naomi, Nattie Neidhart also got lost in the shuffle a bit this year. She wasn’t in the title picture and she’s not a Bella. There wasn’t much room on the programs for a third Divas storyline. Even though Tyson Kidd draws the derogatory ‘Nattie’s Husband’ chants, the truth is Natalya’s biggest onscreen role lately has been as Kidd’s Wife.
60. Jerry “The King” Lawler (72, +12): His rise in the rankings has more to do with the roster getting some necessary fat trimming in 2014 than because of his continuing deterioration as a color commentator.
59. R-Truth (51, -8): The veteran slipped further into irrelevance this year but can still be counted on as enhancement talent for an up and coming villain. Ended Bo Dallas’ undefeated streak.
58. Los Matadores (50, -8): The bullfighters were briefly de facto title contenders when all the other possible contenders seemed to disappear. Their most prominent position was seconding their mascot, El Torito, during his blood feud with Hornswoggle.
57. JBL (56, -1): Continues to be a mixed bag at the announce table, fluctuating between being the logical voice of reason and an over-the-top angry heel who yells over his partners.
56. Summer Rae (65, +9): Became the first Diva to be cast in a WWE Films production. Got a lot of screen time feuding with Fandango and Layla upon her return. More talented in the ring than she has been allowed to show on the main roster.
55. Titus O’Neil (46, -9): His singles career has disproved his hypothesis that Darren Young was the reason he loses all the time. Formed an on-again, off-again comedy tag team with Heath Slater that is not exactly a rocket ship to the top of the card.
54. Vince McMahon (62, +8): Appeared on television for the first time since his passive-aggressive feud with Triple H in the summer of 2013. He set in motion the stipulations that would remove his daughter and son-in-law from their onscreen roles as The Authority.
53. Curtis Axel (26, -27): The son of Mr. Perfect spent the year in exile on the de-push list, having failed to get over as a Paul Heyman guy. He found some unlikely tag team chemistry with fellow castoff, Ryback, and the pair were briefly in title contention. Ryback was dusted off and given a second chance at the top. Axel was sent back to the C shows to relive his Michael McGillicutty years.
52. Christian (40, -12): The veteran was gaining traction as a heel desperate for one more moment in the sun until he was sidelined with yet another concussion. It appears he has retired for now, only showing up on expert panels, network specials and the occasional Peep Show segment.
51. Michael Cole (57, -6): A leak of unedited audio for Smackdown revealed that Cole’s awfulness might not be all his fault. His willingness to say whatever he is told to say has kept him as lead announcer on WWE’s top three weekly shows. He’s like the cockroach of announcers.
50. Big E (19, -31): Another performer who was thrown onto the discard pile in 2014. He lost his IC championship at Extreme Rules, but even before that, the shine was off his push. He lost a feud to Rusev and was recently repackaged as part of the New Day faction. Only time will tell if this can be the kickstart the big man needs.
49. Heath Slater (53, +4): The surviving member of 3MB got a brief winning streak “push” that began when he defeated Seth Rollins with help from Dean Ambrose. The Slater-Gator tag team is oddly enjoyable but at this point, it seems unlikely Slater will ever be anything besides jobber to the stars.
48. Hornswoggle (94, +46): An unexpected dose of relevance for the former Little Bastard came when he entered into a blood feud with fellow little person, El Torito. Along with Los Matadores and 3MB, the little guys began to steal the show, most notably at Extreme Rules where they put on the greatest pre-show match ever with Wee LC.
47. Hulk Hogan (-,-): The icon is back where he belongs and is always good for a nostalgia pop but his appearances have had diminishing returns. All he ever does is shill and it’s getting a bit tiresome, brother.
Whatcha gonna do when Hulk Hogan, Wrestlemania, Summerslam, WWE Network and Breast Cancer Awareness run wild on yooooooou???
46. Kofi Kingston (38, -8): Has cemented his reputation as “the guy who has a wacky spot in battle royals” but you can’t really build a character around that. He’s been thrown into the New Day faction so he should get on TV a little more for the time being.
45. Renee Young (63, +18): Became the first woman to be a permanent color commentator on a main roster show when she took over in the Superstars slot. Handles most of the pre and post shows and backstage duties. Her value and stock continue to rise as her role expands.
44. Fandango (28, -16): Not many characters had a worse year than the ballroom dancer. He was eliminated by El Torito at the Royal Rumble. When both of his love interests turned on him and joined forces, he suffered some of the most humiliating losses imaginable. Zack Ryder! One half of the Matadores! It got so bad, he was pulled from TV as a healthy scratch. He recently returned with a Spanish flair to the character and at the very least has been racking up some wins.
43. El Torito (76, +33): Further cemented his status as the only memorable thing about Los Matadores. He entered the Royal Rumble and eliminated Fandango. He holds pinfall victories over the various members of 3MB and he won his feud with Hornswoggle.
42. Alicia Fox (81, +39): There was a time during a particularly brutal stretch of bad Raws where Alicia Fox was the most entertaining thing on the show with her insane temper tantrums. Made a hasty face turn to have an underwritten feud with Paige.
41. Chris Jericho (23, -18): Returned for a lackluster feud with Bray Wyatt that squandered a lot of potential. Though his absences are getting longer than his runs, Y2J is always going to pop the crowd whenever he shows up.
40. Alberto Del Rio (14, -26): Fired for an alleged confrontation with a backstage employee who made racist comments. Before that, the former world champion was a directionless character who seemed to be on his way out anyway.
39. Tyson Kidd (74, +35): The most successful example of “NXT rehab,” Tyson has had match of the year candidates in both developmental and on the main roster. The once bland babyface who was horrible on the mic has transformed himself into a compelling douchebag husband character that is often a highlight of whatever show he appears on.
38. Adam Rose (-,-): On the other hand, there’s Rose, whose character never connected with audiences on the main roster level the way it did in NXT. There needs to be more to someone than just “has an entourage.” Luckily, the gimmick may have been salvaged with the emergence of The Bunny, who has stolen the spotlight and in the process revealed a darker side to the Rose persona.
37. Rob Van Dam (12, -25): RVD made a significantly smaller splash upon his second modern return to WWE. He never rose higher than midcard status and spent most of that time putting over others, most notably Cesaro.
36. Bo Dallas (75,+39): Another performer who became one of the only bright spots on 2014’s lackluster editions of Raw. Bo is hilarious on the mic but seemed to go nowhere after his initial push. Hopefully, he will find a spark when he returns from injury.
35. Jack Swagger (39, +4): It looked like he might get lost in the shuffle once the red hot Cesaro broke ties with him, but the Real American rebounded nicely over the summer with a well-timed face turn and a competitive feud with Rusev. The old school war over national pride has recently been rekindled at the close of 2014.
34. CM Punk (3, -31): Abruptly retired without public explanation or acknowledgment following the Royal Rumble in January. He may be gone, but he continues to have more impact on the WWE in his absence than most performers have by getting in the ring. His name is still chanted in arenas across the country and will forever be until the day he returns. If ever… http://uproxx.com/prowrestling/2014/12/best-in-the-mma-world-former-wwe-champion-cm-punk-has-signed-with-ufc/
“This fake fighting is destroying my body. I need a real fight.”
33. Erick Rowan (30, -3): The Wyatt Family lost a lot of steam in 2014. It was especially noticeable when Rowan and Harper failed to capture the tag team titles from the Usos. The family was split up and Rowan made a surprise face turn to join Team Cena at Survivor Series. Now being re-purposed as a secret genius who stands up to bullies… and it’s kinda working for him.
32. Goldust (24, -8): While the inspiration of his comeback has naturally lost its shine over time, the wily veteran continues to churn out quality performances as one of the best workers on the roster. He and his brother spun their wheels for most of the year until Cody morphed into Stardust. Rejuvenated by this development, as well as a heel turn, the two brothers went on to recapture the tag titles in the fall.
31. Mark Henry (15, -16): The world’s strongest man is starting to show signs of his age. Even a much-needed heel turn couldn’t restore the magic of his Hall of Pain persona. It looks like the twilight of his career will be spent putting over the talent of the future.
30. Bad News Barrett (32, +2): A fun to imitate catchphrase and another IC title reign had the Englishman on the verge of breaking out to superstardom. Unfortunately, his push was once again cut short by injury and he was forced to vacate the championship.
29. Cody Rhodes/Stardust (21, -8): A series of mishaps had the Rhodes boys teasing a break-up but instead there was a clever swerve that kept them together. Cody magically transformed himself into Stardust, a character who was even more bizarre than the Bizarre One himself. Now back on the same page, they refocused and recaptured the tag team titles.
28. Sheamus (22, -6): The Irish brawler returned at the Royal Rumble with a disappointing lack of change to his character. He won the U.S. championship in May but instead of elevating it, he was sucked into that title’s black hole of irrelevance. He’s out again as of this writing. Perhaps his next return will have more impact.
27. Lana (-,-): The outspoken manager of the Bulgarian Brute, Rusev, the Ravishing Russian is never shy when it comes to speaking her mind about the sorry state of America or the greatness of her home country. It’s classic heeling done right. Even though her words draw the appropriate amount of boos, I doubt there are many male viewers who want her off their television screens.
Crush.
26. Ryback (20, -6): A recent, well-deserved reboot to the original Ryback character while maintaining some of the personality he developed as a heel kept The Big Guy from making one of the biggest plummets on this list. With the top of the card thinned by injuries, the time was right to give Ryback a second chance and the crowds have been more than willing to accept him.
25. The Miz (34, +9): Was sinking further and further down the card until he returned from filming a movie with a Hollywood heel character that was more suited for him. He is often upstaged by his sidekick, Damien Sandow, but I wouldn’t discount the great work Miz has been doing. They are both benefiting from these breakout roles.
24. The Big Show (16, -8): The world’s largest athlete showed no signs of slowing down or even lightening his schedule in 2014. He’s not exactly a title contender but he did have high profile feuds with Rusev and Mark Henry. Yet another heel turn has put him into a new angle with the freshly minted babyface, Erick Rowan.
23. Brie Bella (36, +13): Had a major beef with Stephanie McMahon that was given a semi-main event slot at Summerslam. That transitioned into a feud with her sister, Nikki, that took up a lot of TV time in the fall. Now they’re back together for reasons that have yet to be explained.
22. Cesaro (42, +20): No performer was on a bigger roller coaster this year than the Swiss Superman. Early on, it appeared they were strapping the proverbial rocketship to his back. He got his first world title match inside the Elimination Chamber. He won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal at Wrestlemania much to the crowd’s delight. It bizarrely wasn’t a face turn, however, and he then aligned himself with Paul Heyman, who did nothing but sing the praises of Brock Lesnar instead. That mismatch didn’t last long and soon it was back to Jobber City for Cesaro. But whether he’s up or down, his strength is inhuman and he always has great matches.
21. Damien Sandow/Mizdow (25, +4): Hard to believe Sandow would move up in the rankings if you looked at his body of work over the year. No one was thrown onto the discard pile harder than the former intellectual savior of the masses. Instead of being upset about his lame ‘new gimmick every week’ gimmick, Sandow instead embraced his role and often stole the show. That hard work and perseverance paid off when he landed a gig as The Miz’s “stunt double” and turned it into a star-making performance that culminated in tag team gold.
20. Nikki Bella (48, +28): In a rather unbelievable real life twist, Nikki has transformed herself into a competent wrestler who is the new double tough hoss of the Divas division. Her horrible mic work still leaves a lot to be desired, however.
19. Luke Harper (27, +8): As part of the Wyatt Family, he and Erick Rowan put on show-stealing matches with the Usos, only to come up short in their quest for the gold. Too damn good to be relegated to a lackey role, Harper struck off on his own and almost immediately won the Intercontinental title.
18. Kane (29, +11): Whether behind the mask or not, Kane spent the year as a prominent member of Triple H’s Authority, even main eventing Extreme Rules as the challenger in the world title match.
17. Paul Heyman (4, -13): Still cuts the best promo in the business but his schtick got a little old when he kept repeating himself about Brock Lesnar beating Undertaker’s streak. He also did no favors for Cesaro, adding another failure to his managerial resume. As the advocate of the absentee world champion, Heyman is too rarely seen on TV these days.
16. Dolph Ziggler (17, +1): A crowd favorite who never seemed to have the support of management, the Show-Stealer finally broke through in the second half of 2014. He won the IC title and defended it constantly, helping restore that championship to a higher level of prominence. His crowning moment came in the main event of Survivor Series where he got to be the sole survivor, outshining even the mighty John Cena.
15. Paige (-,-): Made an impact immediately by winning the Divas championship during her main roster debut. Carried the division as its title-holder until AJ Lee returned. Their feud was more interesting than most Diva rivalries and the rookie more than held her own against one of WWE’s top stars.
14. Stephanie McMahon (37, +23): The former billion dollar princess blossomed into a queen during 2014. There were times where she was one of the best parts of Raw. She learned how to be over-the-top evil from the best but, like her dad, she is not afraid to be humiliated either.
This lady. She gets it.
13. Batista (-,-): His unexpected return went over like a fart in church once the audience realized he was taking the main event slots over Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. It also didn’t help that he looked out of shape and unprepared to be in the ring. Once The Animal found his legs and was forced to turn heel, he regained his groove and became an enjoyable part of the show. He was expected to return after “quitting” for the Guardians of the Galaxy promotional tour, but Hollywood came calling again. It remains to be seen if he will come back to finish his planned 2 year run.
12. The Usos (41, +29): The twins finally climbed the ladder and became tag team champions in 2014, reigning for most of the year. Their attempts at showing personality on the mic are really weird and they’re in danger of becoming stale if they don’t learn more moves but their flaws don’t take away from the fact that they were the cream of the tag team division this year.
11. AJ Lee (7, -4): No one in the Divas division draws more speculation about her future than the new Mrs. Punk. ‘She has backstage heat because of her husband. She’s pregnant. She’s quitting.’ All those rumors appear to be false as she has done nothing but show up on TV every week and continue to be the best female wrestler in the company.
10. Triple H (11, +1): 2014 was a banner year for The Game. He finally used his position as the heir to the throne to give the fans what they wanted, which is not shoving his friends down our throats and coming out of retirement to bury the stars of the future. Instead, he swallowed his pride and took the losses to give us our Daniel Bryans and our Shields going over at the main event level. At the same time, he continued to nail it on TV every week as the next generation of his father-in-law’s evil boss character.
9. Bray Wyatt (18, +9): The Eater of Worlds ascended to a main event slot when he feuded with John Cena at Wrestlemania and beyond. Of course, he didn’t go over so it killed a lot of his momentum. Still, the character has always been treated as competent and important. It won’t last if he doesn’t start accomplishing his stated goals, though.
8. Randy Orton (5, -3): It’s a shame that The Viper is so boring on the mic and as a character in general because when the man has his heart in his performance, he really is one of the best. Tough, too, as evidenced by the injuries he worked through at Wrestlemania and Money in the Bank. But when the most interesting thing about him is a series of viral Vine videos, the writing might be on the wall that he’ll have a tough time holding onto his spot as the new stars emerge.
7. Rusev (-,-): Receiving the biggest rookie push since The Shield, the Bulgarian Brute has been nothing short of dominant. He wins often and he wins clean, culminating in a US title victory over Sheamus. He could be at the main event level this time next year. If he ever turns on his Russia-loving girlfriend, he could become an even bigger star.
6. Daniel Bryan (2, -4): It’s hard to stomach how much Bryan lost to injury this year. His crowdsourced meteoric rise to the top was complete. He had not one, but two, cathartic and glorious victories at Wrestlemania. He was the world champion. He was the new face of the company. We can only hope we have not seen the last of him as an in-ring performer. That would be a tragedy.
5. Roman Reigns (9, +4): Broke Kane’s long-standing record of most eliminations in the Royal Rumble. He is being positioned as the next big thing even though he failed to win the title when it was up for grabs in multi-man matches. An unfortunate hernia injury halted his momentum and his ‘via satellite’ appearances have done nothing but expose how weak he is on the mic.
4. Dean Ambrose (8, +4): With Seth Rollins as the Authority’s golden boy and Roman Reign’s real life position as America’s Next Top Model Wrestler, the Lunatic Fringe might have been in danger of being overlooked. He didn’t let that happen, however. He is such a breath of fresh air with his unique performances and mannerisms that he couldn’t help but get over. He even makes ridiculous things like Nickelodeon slime and ketchup fights seem interesting.
3. Seth Rollins (10, +7): No longer content to be the Shield guy who takes the craziest bumps, Rollins turned on his brothers and ascended to a main event level as a member of The Authority. When the world champion went MIA, the former architect of the Shield suddenly found himself positioned as the man every important babyface wants to get their hands on. He currently holds the Money in the Bank contract and it will be very interesting to see if he is allowed to succeed on his eventual cash-in.
2. Brock Lesnar (13, +11): Only had 4 matches in 2014 but they were doozies. John Cena at Night of Champions was the only opponent to muster any sustained offense against the Beast Incarnate. Brock ended the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at Wrestlemania in one of the most shocking moments of the year. If there can be anything more impressive than that, it might have been his Summerslam title victory, which was in essence, the first main event squash match in history.
1. John Cena (1, +/-0): Another year gone by with no signs of John Cena being anything but the most important man in the WWE Universe. There were 8 world title matches in 2014. Cena was a part of 6 of them. He failed to put Bray Wyatt over which was disappointing but business as usual for the Cena Machine. He earned a #1 contender match by losing to Dean Ambrose. Cena’s schtick is “overcoming the odds” but the true odds are against everyone else ever knocking this guy off his perch.
This week, AMC’s Talking Dead, the weekly fluff talk show centered around The Walking Dead, advertised special guest star, Phil Brooks. WWE Shop is still selling Punk merch, but his image, which had been at the center of the “featured superstars” was replaced by Triple H. If you want Punk stuff, you have to look around for it now. CM Punk is essentially dead. For a month and a half, we’ve been wondering if his departure from WWE was a work or a shoot or a mixture of both. To me, it has become abundantly clear that this was not part of the plan. WWE has tried to ignore it in the hopes, I assume, that they could coax Punk back into the fold. When he no-showed the big Raw in Chicago that we all had circled on our calendars, that was the end of the debate. It was also the end of me CARING whether it was a work or shoot. I am done with CM Punk. I defended him in my initial reaction and I still feel he has earned the right to do whatever he wants. However, he left the company that made him a millionaire completely hanging and it is completely unprofessional to WWE and disrespectful to his fans. If he doesn’t want to wrestle anymore, that’s fine, but at least have the decency to attend the show in your hometown and say good bye or tell the people, “Stop chanting my name. I’m done.” I think CM Punk is a great wrestling talent and WWE is better with him, but at this point, they have almost flawlessly moved on without him and I am happy to shift my support to Daniel Bryan and all the other superstars who want to be there. I don’t care if CM Punk comes back and I don’t care what he thinks about the Walking Dead. I will defend your right to make a wanking motion and walk out of the WWE, but that doesn’t mean I have to support or like you anymore.
The Glorious Return of the Top 10:
10. Randy Orton: There’s just no getting around the fact that the World Champion is kind of boring. He’s supposedly in the top spot, but you would never know it. The Batista turn has left him no one to feud with and he is by far the least interesting part of Wrestlemania. Irrelevant Orton title runs are nothing new, though! I was watching pay-per-views from 2010 this past weekend and Orton was essentially an afterthought as part of John Cena’s ongoing war with Nexus. Randy Orton defends the title…what will John Cena do in Wade Barrett’s corner? What will John Cena do as the guest ref? All of Orton’s runs as top guy have been overshadowed by what the real top guy was doing.
9. Andre the Giant: The inaugural 30 man Memorial Battle Royal is a great way to get a Wrestlemania payday for as many stars as possible. And the winner gets an Andre statue! Thank God this isn’t the Attitude Era or something horrible might have been done to that trophy. I’m looking your way, Goldust.
8. Dolph Ziggler: TWO WINS IN A ROW!!!! (smh)
7. Hulk Hogan: I’m really enjoying his current incarnation as “old guy who announces cool things and doesn’t ruin everything.” Having said that, he’s going to help Cena win at Wrestlemania, isn’t he?
6. The Shield: Not broken up and back to their winning ways, perhaps even turning face after Smackdown. As their different styles and personalities continue to emerge, there is seemingly no limit to how awesome these three can be.
5. Bray Wyatt: When you’re verbally sparring with John Cena and Hulk Hogan, that’s a pretty good indication that somebody in charge likes you a lot.
4. Main Event: Now that WWE has a network to fill with 24 hour programming, this once forgotten show has suddenly become relevant again. A couple of months ago, it was the 3MB show. Since its debut on the Network, Daniel Bryan continued his war with Kane and there have been two midcard title defenses.
3. The Authority: The hijacking of Raw was a fun visual but Triple H and Stephanie were the real stars of the segment as their anger grew and grew. Why you gotta be so mean to Sandow though?
2. Daniel Bryan: 2 years ago, an 18 second World Title joke of a match launched a revolution. Today, Bryan is undoubtedly the top star and will most likely be in TWO of Wrestlemania 30’s most prominent spots.
1. Bad News Barrett: Still undefeated since the repackaging!
Side note: The second half of 2010 featured a heavy dose of Barrett as the leader of The Nexus and a bona fide main eventer. At the end of TLC, Cena drops a cascade of steel chairs on top of Barrett and Michael Cole gleefully shouts, “A symbolic gesture! John Cena has buried Wade Barrett!” Yeah, no kidding.
The shocking news came across the wire yesterday: CM Punk walks out on WWE.
As with most wrestling news, the question becomes, “Is this for real?” It certainly feels real. But we can never really tell in this unique world of fake punches and blurred lines. It’s certainly more real than Big Show and Cody Rhodes being fired last year. Those were obvious storylines and I would be surprised if even the markiest of marks bought it for a second.
That’s not to say I have never been fooled. Of course I have. But usually it’s when they’re trying a little harder than ‘firing a guy and then he keeps showing up anyway and they keep talking about him’. I called my mom into the room when Shawn Michaels passed out during a match on Raw. I believed it when Matt Hardy jumped out of the crowd and the announcers refused to acknowledge what was happening. I believed it last summer when Mark Henry announced his retirement to lull John Cena into a false sense of security. Even Punk’s famous “pipebomb” speech was a carefully crafted work designed to get us on the hook. The general rule is that if you see it on TV, it’s because they want you to see it. Then something different or unusual happens and we immediately forget that rule. We believe it because we are eager to believe it. WWE is just as eager to HAVE us believe it.
You may roll your eyes and groan when Michael Cole tells us how to download an app or Jerry Lawler screams about what wrestler is trending on Twitter, but the fact is that WWE is actually very media savvy, including social media. I believed the HBK incident because he had just suffered a real concussion in a real bar fight. I believed the Hardy incident because he hadn’t been seen in years and left under dubious circumstances. Plus 9 times out of 10, a returning wrestler gets the “BATISTA IS BAAAAAAACK!!!” treatment. I believed Mark Henry because he hadn’t been active in months, last seen in an exclusive backstage interview saying he was “going home.” The night of the announcement, he tweeted a lot about it. You know, an exclusive backstage interview posted on WWE.com and a Twitter feed monitored by his employers. Sometimes, I’m more gullible than I want to think. WWE knows this. Wrestlers often break kayfabe on Twitter and speak as their real selves. This is exploited very easily by Mark Henry saying he’s retiring and then revealing on TV that it was a ruse. BAM. I tune in, I love the fact that I was fooled and my adoration grows.
The difference in the case of CM Punk is that none of this was used to enhance the television product. You can take the news of “massive rewrites” for what it’s worth, but the fact was that CM Punk was noticably absent from WWE television this week and the announcers made not one mention of him. That doesn’t make the product better. People thinking Punk is gone when maybe he’s really not is not a reason to tune in. It feels real because it serves no one but Punk himself. What’s the angle otherwise?
We will get some clues from how WWE handles this. He’s been pulled from advertisements for upcoming house shows. That’s not good for business and affecting the bottom line is a long way to go for a work, but stranger things have happened. His profile is still up on wwe.com and his merchandise is still at full price. Compare this to the recently departed Kaitlyn, whose profile was down the day of her last appearance and whose merch is now heavily discounted. The technicality here is that Punk is still under contract. If 6 months from now when his contract is up, all Punk shirts are on clearance and his face is quietly moved to the “alumni” section, then it’s probably safe to say that this is really happening.
Assuming this isn’t the blurred reality angle to end all blurred reality angles, how should we feel about this? I myself am, of course, extremely disappointed. Evil Punk was my number one guy last year. He headlined the last two house shows in my area. My phone’s wallpaper is a live photo I took of him punching Curtis Axel. I have two Punk shirts and a GTS sweatshirt I wear like a robe every single day. It’s safe to say I’m a fan. So as a fan, I’m sad. What I am not feeling is anger. I mean, really, can you blame the guy? Yes, it’s unprofessional to not honor the last 6 months of a contract you signed and yes, it’s kind of a dick move to walk away from the proceedings during the company’s most important 3 month run that you were scheduled to be a part of. BUT…isn’t it the dream of every woman and man to be rich enough to say “take this job and shove it?” Phil Brooks, the man who created CM Punk, is rich enough to do what we all wish we could. If you don’t need the money, hate the direction the company you work for is going in, your work week includes traveling to 3 or 4 different cities, your days off include getting to and from those places and the work you do is phyisically demanding and never-ending, what’s your incentive?
I’ve heard it said that Punk turned his back on his fans. Listen, CM Punk doesn’t owe anyone anything. Did you just read that list of reasons not to do what he does? It’s amazing we get the top stars as long as we do. And if his main gripe really is his spot on the card, then this move is probably the best thing he could have done! Why be on the undercard of Wrestlemania 31 if you can take some time for yourself and come back in a few years where you’ll be booked as the returning hero and probably win the Royal Rumble and main event Wrestlemania 35? If you drew them money at any time, there is no bridge too burned in WWE. Flair, Hogan and Bret Hart all came back at one point or another. Whether it’s a “haha gotcha!” this March or in January of 2018, CM Punk will be back.
I have chosen my words carefully on this one. This is a list of “my favorite” matches of the year, not necessarily the “Best.” Everything is subjective. All I can do is tell you what I enjoyed and why. In 2013, the good outweighed the bad in WWE and most of that was due to the hard work put in by the next generation of superstars. I’m sure no one would agree completely with this list, but no matter what, you have to admit the future is bright as far as in-ring talent goes.
1.The Royal Rumble (Jan. 27): The Rumble is my favorite specialty match and will almost always make my list of personal favorites. No one match creates more speculation about potential winners and returnees. No one match gets to showcase as much of the talent on the roster at any given time. At an hour long, there are always going to be a number of memorable moments. This year’s Rumble gave us the surprise returns of Chris Jericho and Goldust, a nice showing from NXT upstart Bo Dallas, another silly creative spot from Kofi Kingston and a super babyface showdown between John Cena, Ryback, Randy Orton and Sheamus.
2.John Cena vs. CM Punk (Raw, Feb. 25): This was the culmination to a rivalry that had gone on for years. Cena declared this to be his year of redemption after 2012 saw him actually lose sometimes. Part of that redemption was defeating the one guy who almost always seemed to get past him: CM Punk. This was an epic showdown worthy of the Wrestlemania main event, given away for free. Both guys knew each other so well, their regular moveset would be countered at every turn. Out of desperation, Punk broke out the forbidden-in-real-life old school piledriver and Cena had to use a hurricanrana to stun Punk into walking into an AA. This was not my favorite match of the year, but it’s up there and it’s definitely the most I’ve ever tolerated John Cena.
3. CM Punk vs. The Undertaker (Wrestlemania, April 7): This one loses points for a predictable outcome; once Punk went full-on evil and was dumping ashes out of urns, there was no way he was going to end the streak and not get his comeuppance. However, that didn’t stop the match itself from stealing the show and deflating the audience for the rest of the top matches on the biggest card of the year. The old timer who saves all his energy for one great match a year paired with a guy who got himself over on pure ability and will to succeed produced a match that could not fail.
4.Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio (Raw, April 8): The match itself is almost irrelevant; this was all about the moment. The Rock claims he electrifies, but nothing was more electric this year than Ziggler cashing in Money in the Bank and winning the World Heavyweight Championship. In front of the best, rowdiest crowd of the year, it didn’t even matter that DZ was the heel and Del Rio the face. The arena exploded as smart fan darling Dolph Ziggler had finally gotten to the top of the mountain.
5. William Regal vs. Kassius Ohno (NXT, April 10): This was the match that got my attention and made me realize I had to make the time to seek out NXT and watch it on a regular basis. Just a classic old school grudge match where the two combatants hated each other and would use every dirty trick in the book to get one over. Plus, the use of realistic-looking wrestling holds and tie-ups is something you just don’t see very much of in the current main roster WWE product. And when was the last time you saw a guy selling mangled fingers because his opponent wouldn’t stop focusing his attack specifically on the hand? Awesome stuff. No debate; this one was my favorite match of the year.
6. The Shield vs. The Undertaker, Daniel Bryan & Kane (Raw, April 22): Okay, maybe it was just for a free trip to London, but The Undertaker sticking around for a few weeks after Wrestlemania to put over The Shield was a huge deal. The Hounds of Justice won this match and on the following Smackdown put Taker through a table- a rub they are still benefiting from today every time their list of accomplishments is mentioned. This was also the beginning of Daniel Bryan intensifying his performances and reminding the higher-ups how over he is. Those four guys really stepped it up in the middle of the year and collectively became the best thing about WWE at the time.
7. Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro (Main Event, May 1): While Daniel Bryan and The Shield were taking off, another superstar was trying his damndest to not get buried. Antonio Cesaro may not have won back his US title in this rematch relegated to the C show, but he made sure to remind everyone how good he is even when being booked as a loser. Announcers were always praising him for his great strength but I was never all that impressed with his Neutralizer finisher. Generally, the way to win me over is to do something I’ve never seen before. This match was the first time Cesaro broke out the superplex while his opponent was standing on the apron instead of the top turnbuckle. Incredible.
8. CM Punk vs. Darren Young (Raw, June 2): This was the year’s best use of a wrestling match as part of the storytelling process. CM Punk was so distracted by his soap opera drama with Paul Heyman that Darren Young suddenly looked like a million bucks and threatened to pull off the upset. Punk had to put in a lot more effort than he anticipated to beat the lowly Primetime Player. The beginning of Heyman being totally in his head.
9. The World Heavyweight Championship Money in the Bank ladder match (July 14): As a fan of the bad guys, I had to love an all-heel match. I don’t usually dig these spot-fests where two guys take turns doing stuff in the ring while everyone else is inexplicably dead for large chunks of time, but this one had enough creativity to distract me. They also worked the idea of disappearing participants into the story of the match as it became Damien Sandow’s brilliant strategy to just hide for most of the time until he could steal the win from his best friend, Cody Rhodes.
10. Daniel Bryan vs. Antonio Cesaro (Raw, July 22): As much as internet rumors would have you believe that upper management does not like Cesaro or Bryan, there is no denying that this match helped change their mind, (if needed). These two tore the house down as part of Bryan’s gauntlet match, cementing D-Bry in the main event scene and getting Cesaro more noticed and “unburied.”
11. Paige vs. Emma (NXT, July 25): The best-kept secret in WWE is that the women of NXT are way better than most of the divas on the main roster. This was the tournament final to crown the first ever NXT Women’s champion. These two are so over and so good, it might be time to just stop adding the caveat that this was good for a Divas match. It was a good match period.
12. Christian vs. Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam (Smackdown, Aug. 4): This was a fun triple threat for the #1 contendership heading into Summerslam. Similar to Punk-Cena, the story was that the participants knew each other too well to rely solely on their base offense. Christian had an answer for everything Orton, his long time rival, tried. Orton had some amazing counters on RVD including a sick-looking Rolling Thunder into a powerslam. Finally, Christian won with an old school backslide, which doesn’t happen very often these days.
13. Brock Lesnar vs. CM Punk (Summerslam, Aug. 18): One of the marquee matches of the year and it lived up to the hype. Lesnar got to look like the beast he’s always billed as and Punk played the scrappy underdog role perfectly. The ending further fueled the fire in Punk’s war with Paul Heyman as Punk’s anger and a timely distraction caused his downfall.
14. Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena (Summerslam, Aug. 18): Bryan debuts the running knee finisher and Cena puts him over clean- a triumphant capper to D-Bry’s rise to main event status. Then a Triple H heel turn and a Randy Orton cash-in quickly soured what should have been the moment of the year. We all felt cheated… which is exactly how we were supposed to feel. Triple H, who has always been smart fan enemy #1, finally embraced his destiny and gave us storyline reasons to hate him.
15. Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn, 2 out of 3 falls (NXT, Aug. 22): Sure, Cesaro’s feats of strength on bigger men are impressive, but just as good is when he has a little guy he can just throw around everywhere. It’s a classic struggle between quickness and strength as Zayn has to do everything he can to strike quickly and avoid Cesaro’s power game. Another example of why everyone should be watching NXT.
16. Jack Swagger vs. Sami Zayn (NXT, Sept. 5): Cesaro’s tag team partner also came down to Orlando to get himself a piece of Zayn. The resulting match had less hype than the Cesaro battle, but for my money, this was an even better match. Swagger was not just trying to use his power game, he was getting visibly frustrated when he couldn’t put the smaller guy away. This is the only time I’ve ever seen Jack pull his straps down, as he finally realizes just how much more work it’s going to take to put away Sami than he thought.
You can’t spell AMAZING without SAMI ZAYN! …kind of.
17. Santino Marrella & Emma vs. Fandango & Summer Rae (NXT, Oct. 2): Since the dawn of time, WWE has insisted on having comedy characters and comedy matches as part of their ongoing attempt to appeal to everyone on some level. It often flops miserably for the smart crowd. So imagine my surprise when I found myself enjoying the hell out of one such match. Emma is already wildly entertaining as a wrestling weirdo, and Santino was able to match her quirk for quirk. First, they couldn’t properly coordinate their entrances. Then they just couldn’t get it down that the referee was counting their enthusiastic high fives as official tags. They repeated this so many times that the crowd had to yell NOOO! until they finally understood. I’m hard-pressed to think of a match I’ve ever laughed at more.
18. Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns of The Shield (Battleground, Oct. 6): Battleground may have been a shitty, throwaway pay-per-view with a WCW ending, but its one shining bright spot was the most emotionally impactful match of the year. What a difference it can make when you care about the performers and the scripted stakes of the match. It’s an added bonus that these are four of the best talents on the roster. Cody Rhodes is finally getting his due, Goldust looks as good as he’s ever been and I don’t need to repeat how great The Shield is. Plus, the American Dream Dusty Rhodes even got involved, taking the belt to Dean Ambrose. The tears of joy at the top of the ramp seemed real (and probably were) as the babyface roster and the normally unseen road agents like Arn Andersen and Fit Finlay came out to celebrate the triumph of the Rhodes Boys.
19. The traditional Survivor Series elimination match (Survivor Series, Nov. 24): The weakest of the Big Four long ago abandoned its premise but the elimination style matches are something I still find intriguing. The faces built a big lead over Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns until the spear was unleashed. Roman Reigns took over the match in one of the biggest single match pushes of the year, transforming from the potential afterthought of the team to the beast enforcer he was always talked up as.
20. The Wyatt Family vs. Daniel Bryan, 3 on 1 handicap match (TLC, Dec. 15): While The Shield stole shows for most of the year, the Wyatts gradually worked their way up from NXT to become major players on the main roster. Erick Rowan and Luke Harper do most of the in-ring work for the Wyatt clan, but at TLC, Bray finally tagged in and proved why he is the head of the snake. His character work was brilliant throughout and he even turned his corner upside down hang into a visually bizarre crab walk that has to be seen to be believed. The crowd chanted “that was creepy” and they weren’t wrong.
Despite what Michael Strahan, the last defender of kayfabe, will tell you, we all know that wrestling is “fake.” (I prefer “scripted” myself but tomato, to-mah-to perhaps). Every Money in the Bank winner, every title holder, every single match on every show has the outcome written beforehand by a team of writers who are telling stories to their audience. It’s not always great and we sure love to complain about it, but there’s not much that happens in a wrestling ring that wasn’t supposed to happen.
So if we know and accept that WWE is a performance piece and not an actual sport, why would we then get upset if The Slammys, their annual fake awards show, is rigged?
I think it’s because that would be taking it a step too far. You can’t crow all night about this being the one time a year when the audience decides the outcomes and then have it turn out to be a lie. That is an abuse of the trust we willingly hand over. We know it’s not real, but we come anyway and give you our time, our money, our hearts. I know I don’t decide who is winning the matches, but if you’re letting me click on who I think had the “LOL Moment of the Year,” then that should be real, even within this unreal world. There’s a different level of control at play. The fans get to pick the individual accolades. We vote for the NBA All-Stars but we don’t decide who wins the games (that’s the referee’s job!) Not to get too lofty on a wrestling blog but the people getting a vote is a founding principle of America, damn it! Its integrity must be maintained. You don’t mess with voting!
Okay, breathe. I honestly believe that the voting in the Slammys is not rigged. Maybe nudged and manipulated but I would be surprised if the outcomes are outright scripted. I believe WWE books around the different scenarios and is prepared for anything. Take last year when John Cena stupidly won “Superstar of the Year” over CM Punk who had reigned over every single day of 2012 as WWE Champion. Punk was scripted to come out and cut a promo on Ric Flair no matter what; it was just a matter of if he was bragging about being the Best in the World, or screaming about being screwed because of disrespect. Either one would have worked for the character he was playing at the time. Super Cena the super babyface won the award over the biggest heel in the company, which is such an obvious outcome that there is no need for a script.
The simple fact is that most fans are going to do exactly what WWE wants them to do. And if not, they can make obvious manipulations even if the vote isn’t technically rigged. This way they can maintain the integrity of the people voting while still molding their desired stories. “Vote Now: Do you want this match to be a hardcore street fight or a NO DQ match?” Uhhh, what’s the difference? “Vote now for Randy Orton’s opponent tonight! A) for John Cena, B) for The Great Khali! C) for R-Truth!” Like all fan votes in any sport, it’s a popularity contest. I’m sure the NBA can confidently print LeBron James All-Star jerseys for sale before the results are officially in.
The vast majority of the WWE audience is marks. I work with them. I sit amongst them at live events. I see their tweets scroll across the bottom of the screen during Raw. For every “Push Cesaro” sign in the crowd there are ten “JOHN CENA RISE ABOVE!!!!!” signs. Knowing that I am outnumbered allows me to believe that poll results are not rigged and to not be mad when the heels lose out on awards they “should” win, such as the aforementioned Punk not being the Superstar of the Year or this year when AJ Lee didn’t win Diva of the year despite being about a million times more relevant and competent at everything than any other woman on the main roster.
Last night on Smackdown they showed a poll result for “best finishing move” which was won by John Cena’s “Attitude Adjustment”, a fireman’s carry flip that is a softer bump than 80% of all transition moves. My 13-year-old daughter, only half-paying attention, looked up from her laptop and said “WHUUUT??” Even a barely-interested casual fan knows that Cena’s move sucks. Yet I don’t see any reason why WWE would fix that stupid meaningless poll. It was just the most popular guy winning another popularity contest.
Two weeks from now, no one will care about the Slammys any more than they care about that silly Smackdown poll. The important thing is that they give us more great stuff like the chaotic conclusion of Raw. That convinced me to watch a pay-per-view I had no intention of watching way more than a Slammy going the way I thought it should go every single time ever would have.
Another year is almost in the history books for WWE so how did every superstar fare in 2013? Whose stock is up? Whose is down? Did we finally find the stars of tomorrow? How do some of these people even earn their paychecks? All of this and more will be addressed in the 1st Annual Irish Whip WWE Year-End Power Rankings!
100. Ezekiel Jackson: I have been restored to full time WWE fandom for 18 months and I have never seen this man. Yet, there he is, always included on wwe.com’s official roster.
99. Evan Bourne: Seemingly always an injury or a Wellness Policy violation away from getting fired, Bourne presumably spent the entire year on the shelf.
98. The Godfather: Got a big nostalgia pop at the Royal Rumble but was a joke entrant and was eliminated immediately.
97. Eve Torres: Entered the calendar year as the Divas champion but lost it a week in and quit the biz. Good luck in your future endeavors!
Any excuse to run a picture of Eve
96. JTG: Another guy who is inexplicably still on the roster, yet never seen. I think he might have been a lumberjack a couple of times.
95. Dusty Rhodes: Had a fun classic Dusty promo during the Rhodes war with the McMahons and even got to take the belt to Dean Ambrose in one of the best moments of the year.
94. Hornswoggle: Mostly just a cheerleader for the Great Khali these days, the little guy does still take a bump sometimes. I heard he’s starring in a Leprechaun reboot produced by WWE, which is awesome.
93.Matt Stryker: Thought he was a better commentator than interviewer but they never let him do it. Was sorry to see him go at the time, but he really didn’t add much and Renee Young was a definite upgrade.
92.Ted DiBiase Jr.: Didn’t make it onto TV much in 2013, and then quit the biz to spend more time with his family. He’s rich anyway, I’m sure. He comes from money.
91. Curt Hawkins: Had a few losses here and there on Main Event and NXT but spent most of the year as one of many underutilized talents.
90. Yoshi Tatsu: Another waste of space on the roster. I’d call him a jobber, but you have to wrestle in order to lose.
89. Camacho: It’s really kind of unbelievable how many guys get paid by WWE to travel and hang out in the locker room.
88. David Otunga: Had a role in WWE Films’ modest hit, The Call. Not seen on TV much, which is a shame because he has a great physique and the douchey lawyer is a great character.
87.Rosa Mendes: Spent most of the year at home having been sent there to take care of personal problems. Has recently been seen more as part of the ‘Divas not on Total Divas’ “faction.” Looks terrible as a blonde.
86. Teddy Long: Was the interim GM of Smackdown while Booker T was recovering from surgery- a surgery that thankfully stifled the weird and space-wasting verbal feud that had been developing between the two.
85.Josh Mathews: Demoted from Smackdown play-by-play to the little-seen Main Event. With Stryker gone and Renee Young a real life broadcast journalist, he’s become the go-to interviewer for heels to beat up.
84. Jojo: Brought in to be one of the newbie characters on the Total Divas reality show, but from the recaps I read, she’s barely on it. Saw her first action at Survivor Series and was not noticably bad.
83. Aksana: A female jobber who gets on TV more than she should since there aren’t a lot of Divas. Scout your three opponents and learn to counter their moves, Aksana!
82.Layla: Didn’t wrestle much in 2013, instead was a manager of sorts for the other more high profile stars. Turned on Kaityln to join AJ but that angle was dropped almost immediately.
81. Alicia Fox: She shows more talent and personality when she cameos on NXT than she does on the main roster shows.
80.William Regal: Loses squash matches whenever he does get on TV, but he is pure gold as the color man on NXT. Seriously, watch NXT. It’s WWE’s best show.
79.Hunico: Yet another guy who is paid to do nothing, but at the time of this writing it sounds like he is inheriting the Sin Cara character, so I have to count his victory on the Dec. 2 Raw to his credit.
78.Alex Riley: Has become the back-up color anaylst on NXT, Main Event and Smackdown. He’s especially bad on NXT where I find myself chanting WE WANT REGAL at the TV.
This picture reminds him of when he used to team with The Miz!
77. Eva Marie: The Total Divas newbie who is being pushed as the catty go-getter. The distorted reality between the Divas show and what happens on Raw makes it really confusing to know if we’re supposed to like her or not. Either way, just know that she is a horrible performer, so that pretty much decides it.
76. El Torito: The best part of the Los Matadores team is a crazy bouncing midget in a bull costume. Makes me wish Vince was back on commentary so we could hear his douchey laugh about how great this little guy is.
75. Bo Dallas: A great showing in the Royal Rumble and a clean victory over Wade Barrett made it look like Dallas was being called up as a bland babyface. Instead, he went back to NXT, became its champion and is currently killing it as a delusional heel who thinks he’s a face.
74. Tyson Kidd: Spent most of the year rehabbing a career-threatening injury. Returned with a Total Divas-inspired nod to his real life marriage to Natalya that translated into a push that lasted less than a week.
73.Tamina Snuka: WWE obviously likes her to keep trying her in various roles, but she is awful in the ring. Her new role as AJ Lee’s enforcer has been her best use so far.
72. Jerry “The King” Lawler: Glad you didn’t die on live TV last year, now please retire because you do nothing but detract from the on-screen product.
71. Xavier Woods: Too early to tell if he will make an impact on the main roster but the fact that they inserted him right into a feud with Brodus Clay is a good sign that they want to do something with both guys. Though I can name at least 10 other men or women I would have called up from NXT before him.
70. Sin Cara: Broken necks, torn quads, dangling limbs. These are the things the great ones power through to finish matches. Sin Cara had a match stopped because he dislocated his finger. Hit the road, Jack.
69. Booker T: Lost his job as GM of Smackdown due to injury but made the WWE Hall of Fame so it was a good year overall. I’d like to see him back at the announce table.
68. Brad Maddox: Went from “unemployed” and crashing shows to Assistant GM of Raw to Actual GM of Raw. That’s a pretty good year. He was also my second favorite NXT color man, though he hasn’t shown up in a while.
67. Justin Gabriel: I jokingly call this guy The Face of Main Event. Once WWE lost its interest in the show, Gabriel became a mainstay.
66. Zack Ryder: Nothing sadder than that time he wore trunks with a “Push Me” button on them. A cautionary tale for other performers to not think outside the box or try to get over without the help of the machine.
65. Summer Rae: The first of NXT’s treasure trove of viable female wrestlers to get the call-up. Somewhat wasted as Fandango’s dance partner, thankfully she’s starting to have matches and be a character.
64. Vickie Guerrero: Sad to see Eddie’s widow forced to take part in such humilation as her firing on Raw, ie, the worst segment of the year. She has bounced back as the GM of Smackdown and is always good for some heel heat.
63. Renee Young: As a real sportscaster she lends credibility to the product as an interviewer and an NXT analyst. She is particularly good at reacting to the things that are going on around her, which believe it or not, immensely improves the product.
Seceretly the best announcing pair in WWE.
62. Vince McMahon: As an on-screen character he has been leaving a lot to be desired as of late and has all but disappeared since Hunter & Stephanie became “The Authority.” Stephanie has even been getting billed as the owner of WWE. Ouch.
61. Jinder Mahal: For my money, the least charismatic of the three members of 3MB. I don’t want to be insensitive to what is probably a cultural thing, but if you’re hired to portray a wrestling rock star, you should take off your turban.
60. Ricardo Rodriguez: He was the best part of the Alberto Del Rio rich asshole gimmick, but all good things must come to an end and Ricardo pretty much ended it himself with a Wellness Policy violation. He came back to be Rob Van Dam’s personal ring announcer which was really awkward and made little sense.
59. Cameron: Presumably the less talented Funkadactyl. I think. I don’t watch Total Divas and I haven’t bothered to distinguish the ladies I mostly know as Brodus Clay’s dancing valets.
58. Naomi: This is the more athletic one who uses a butt bop as her finisher, right?
57. Michael Cole: For better or worse, he is the voice of WWE. Teach me how to download an app, Michael! Read Bray Wyatt quotes and misunderstand them! Bash bad segments as they’re happening instead of doing your job and trying to save them. It’s all television gold!
56. JBL: Once a breath of fresh air in the announce booth, JBL has devolved into a guy who is not really paying attention but still likes to yell a lot just to contradict his partners. Sadly, he’s the best one on Raw.
55. The Great Khali: The world’s largest jobber. It’s cringe-worthy whenever it’s declared that he is a former world champion. He still wins sometimes, which I guess is impressive considering he can’t bend his legs.
54. Drew McIntyre: An underrated talent, especially at selling. Becoming a part of 3MB has made him infinitely more interesting than his former bland ‘Chosen One’ persona.
53. Heath Slater: The leader of 3MB and the premeire jobber to the stars. Hey, it’s a living!
52. Santino Marella: Even I can admit I laugh at his in-ring antics sometimes. He’s a solid performer who sadly might be trapped in the kid-friendly wacky Italian guy gimmick forever.
51. R-Truth: Came back from an early year injury magically cured of his infatuation with an imaginary little boy. RIP, Little Jimmy. Truth is always good for getting the crowd pumped up and losing midcard title matches.
50. Los Matadores- Fernando y Diego: I’m not going to distinguish them from one another since all the announcers even say on the matter is they “believe Fernando is taller.” The repackaged Primo and Epico are undefeated in tag team action as of this writing. Their sidekick, El Torito, often upstages them, however.
49. Rey Mysterio: Missed most of the year due to injury. When he’s active, he’s way over but how much longer will it last?
48. Nikki Bella: One of the focal points of Total Divas but I don’t think they show her in a good light. Out for a while with an injury and generally known as the “one that got the implants.”
47. Brodus Clay: Even forming a monster tag team with Tensai called Tons of Funk couldn’t save the Funkasaurus from a year of irrelevance. Two gigantic guys joining forces should not result in them both still being jobbers. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. Hopefully for him, his teased heel turn will result in more screen time and victories.
46. Titus O’Neill: Got a bit of a push by proxy when his tag team partner, Darren Young, became the first openly gay wrestler, but even that was not sustained for very long. The Primetime Players still lose a lot and if Titus’ new gimmick is that he might throw up all the time, well, that’s not exactly a rocketship to main event status.
45. Natalya: Spent the first half of the year as arm candy for The Great Khali but that was dropped when Total Divas revealed she was married to Tyson Kidd. She’s currently being pushed as the next top contender for the Divas title but she’s not as over as WWE seems to think and she botches a lot both in the ring and on the mic.
44. Tensai: This guy can really go when given the chance, which, sadly isn’t often. I was happy when he was repackaged with Brodus as Sweet T rather than being dismissed, but that team went nowhere and has been teasing a break-up.
43. Darren Young: It was a year of unexplained face turns and none were bigger or more unexplained than Darren Young suddenly coming out to huge pops. We all knew why and it was great to see the normally awful wrestling crowds embrace courage and progress. Personal life aside, he also had a great match with CM Punk on Raw and might break out as a singles star eventually.
42. Antonio Cesaro: This man is so good at his job that the internet weeps every time he loses. He had a long reign as the US champion before “We the People” infringed on his anti-American gimmick. Luckily, he recovered when they simply merged him into Zeb Colter’s camp. He’s ridiculously strong, he’s having a really good time out there despite the fact that he’s supposed to be a heel and the Big Swing gets big pops. He might just will his way to superstardom a la Daniel Bryan.
Swing him into the crowd, Antonio!
41. Jimmy & Jey Uso: I can’t tell them apart even when the announcers try to explain how. They floated through the first half of the year but have really stepped up their game lately, participating in some really strong matches with The Shield and the Rhodes brothers.
40. Christian: Came back from a long injury hiatus as a crafty veteran stealing wins with backslides and small packages. Then he got a concussion and was never seen again other than covering it up with an off-screen Shield beat-down. He might be done for good this time.
39. Jack Swagger: Talk about not being able to handle the spotlight. Immediately after being repackaged from jobber to World title contender, he was pulled over after a Smackdown taping for reckless driving and possession of marijuana. WWE was really behind the We the People angle and was trying to get mainstream attention during Wrestlemania season. Swagger gave them the wrong kind of attention. He’s recovered somewhat to have a good run as a tag team with Cesaro but he could have been a champion.
One last time? Okay! WEED THE PEOPLE!
38. Kofi Kingston: Spent the year wildly alternating between relevance and jobbing. He seems popular enough but he can never quite reach that next level the way others have. His big accomplishment in 2013 was being the transitional US champion between Cesaro and Dean Ambrose.
37. Stephanie McMahon: Didn’t show up much until the horrible power trip feud between Vince and Triple H over the summer. With the emergence of “The Authority” in the fall, she has become a solid performer as the smarmy boss lady who spouts false cheer but ultimately doesn’t really care about you other than what you can do for her.
36. Brie Bella: Has become noticably better in the ring than her twin sister. (The difference between dating Daniel Bryan and dating John Cena perhaps!) Also presented on Total Divas as the more level-headed of the two. I even think the smaller chest makes her more adorable standing next to those two gigantic implants. All around, she’s just the better Bella.
35. The Undertaker: Got in shape just in time to save his Wrestlemania streak and have a great match with CM Punk. Even stuck around for a couple of weeks to put over The Shield. The Dead Man showing up always makes things more special.
34. The Miz: When R-Truth is unavailable to job to midcard heel champions, call The Miz. When you need a color man for your third tier shows, call The Miz. When you need a talkshow segment to kill the crowd, call The Miz!
33. Kaitlyn: Had a solid reign as the Divas champion and one of the more well-booked feuds of the year with AJ Lee. Has since largely disappeared and been lumped into the non-Total Divas camp by default. Right after she got her own T-shirt, too. Shame.
32. Wade “Bad News” Barrett: Spent the first half of the year as the Intercontinental champion, damaging the title almost irreparably since he was booked as a hopeless jobber. Then he got stuck in England over a work visa snafu. He has recently been “repackaged” as Bad News Barrett, despite looking and sounding exactly the same.
31. Zeb Colter: Uncle Zeb reemerged on the scene as a mouthpiece for Jack Swagger and later Antonio Cesaro. His hate speeches have been dialed down to a comedy act lately, but he’s great on the mic no matter what the tone of the segment is. Del Rio-Swagger turned out to be a go-nowhere feud for a lot of reasons, but Zeb almost single-handedly saved it.
30. Erick Rowan: Noticably the least talented member of the Wyatt Family. This is well covered for by having him team often with the vastly superior Luke Harper and by having him wear a creepy sheep mask which makes him almost as equally interesting as the interesting people he’s surrounded by.
29. Kane: Had one of the longer tag team title reigns as a dysfunctional team with Daniel Bryan. Was the first victim of the Wyatt Family’s patented kidnappings but he inexplicably returned from that to be a non-wrestling corporate suit for Triple H. They might get to a larger angle if the Wyatts are secretly working for The Authority but as of this writing, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
28. Fandango: Debuted with a Wrestlemania win over Chris Jericho and then got accidentally over when the snarky post-WM crowd embraced his catchy theme music and “doing the Fandango” briefly went viral. An untimely concussion kept him from probably winning the IC title, and from there, things kind of fizzled. He still wins more than he loses but he has been mostly reduced to irrelevance.
27. Luke Harper: Easily the best wrestler in the Wyatt Family, Harper is a big man who can move, which is always a good thing. He speaks intelligently sometimes which makes him even creepier as a willing participant in Bray Wyatt’s mind control. I like when he starts shouting YEAH YEAH YEAH in the ring like he’s having a violence orgasm.
Monsters are real
26. Curtis Axel: Michael McGillicutty is dead! Long live Curtis Axel! Mr. Perfect’s son was repackaged as a Paul Heyman guy and had a long, harmless reign as IC champion. Sadly, he did not inherit his father’s charisma and if he’s been embraced by the smart fans, it’s mostly out of hipster irony. He’s currently broken off from Heyman and is floundering on television. But that’s a step up from floundering off television, which is where he was this time last year.
25. Damien Sandow: Won the World Title Money in the Bank Ladder Match and turned that into a high profile feud with his former partner, Cody Rhodes. By weird WWE logic, that meant he should start losing more than ever. He has even dropped the Intellectual Savior gimmick and is now just a generic angry midcard heel. In the ultimate indignity, he became the first spontaneous MITB cash-in to lose.
24. Goldust: A strong nostalgia pop at the Rumble and an emotional match with Randy Orton to try and get his brother’s job back could have been enough for the veteran of the Attitude Era. Instead, Goldy turned those stints into a permanent roster spot and a tag team title run with Cody. The announcers often say he looks better than he ever has and they’re not wrong.
23. Chris Jericho: He is a man with many interests but to his credit, when he does make a run in WWE, he commits full time. He’s always going to put out a good match and unlike most guys his age, he is willing to put the next generation over.
22. Sheamus: A somewhat down year for the Irishman as he started to languish in the upper midcard. He was a bit overexposed and at risk of getting stale by having a match on pretty much every show. He’s been injured since July and I still don’t really miss him. Hopefully he will return with a fresh take on the character. WWE needs more top level heels, for example.
21. Cody Rhodes: After spending half the year with Sandow as the default tag title contenders to Team Hell No, Rhodes really broke out over the summer. He had two well-booked feuds with the aforementioned Sandow and then with “The Authority.” He and his brother can now be seen stealing the show every time they go out.
Brothers gotta hug
20. Ryback: It only took a year to ruin the next big thing. Ryback was incredibly over as a monster face but he was never going to win the title from Punk. His heel turn was interesting, but he was never going to win the title from Cena. One pay-per-view loss after another, and some go-nowhere programs as a backstage bully and a foot soldier in Paul Heyman’s army have left Ryback absolutely buried. If he’s going to have the rumored match with Goldberg, Creative has a lot of work to do to build this guy back up. Hopefully, it’s not too late.
19. Big E. Langston: Just too charismatic to remain a silent thug heel, Langston might succeed where the ball was dropped with Ryback. His turn was well done and with the 2 major championships finally being absorbed into one, his IC title win might become even more significant as he will be one of only three champions instead of four.
18. Bray Wyatt: The freshest character to come along in a while, the Wyatt clan could not be called up from NXT fast enough for my liking. He can pull off a creepy promo like nobody else and their vignettes were some of the best stuff the production team has ever put out. Their interacting so quickly with the likes of CM Punk and Daniel Bryan is an indicator that WWE knows it has gold here.
17. Dolph Ziggler: It looked like this might finally be the year for the Show-Stealer. His MITB cash-in and World Title win was one of the more electric moments of the year. An unfortunate concussion had him reigning while on the shelf, only to drop the strap in his first match back. And just like that, it was over. He’s a face instead of a heel now but not much else has changed as he went immediately back to languishing in midcard hell.
16. The Big Show: Another year of wild fluctuations in allegiances and character for the World’s Largest Athlete. Big Show started the year as a rich guy who didn’t care about anyone but himself. By the fall, he was a crybaby who couldn’t save his friends from The Authority because he was broke and needed his job. Regardless, Show is effective at whatever he’s doing, even if there’s not a lot of continuity behind it.
15.Mark Henry: The World’s Strongest Man returned for the Elimination Chamber in February and was way over just by playing a simple monster heel who does whatever he wants. He parlayed that into a brief main event feud with John Cena where he teased retirement in the fake-out of the year that I was legit fooled by. Recently back from an injury, he is a babyface now, which kind of negates the “THAT’S WHAT I DO!” persona that got him over in the first place.
14. Alberto Del Rio: Spent most of the calendar year as the World Heavyweight Champion both as a face and a heel, but he never really felt important. Once John Cena came along, he was quickly steamrolled out of the title picture. He’s a good worker and a good performer, but there’s something intangible that’s missing. He just doesn’t have the IT factor.
13. Brock Lesnar: Like a Paul Heyman-summoned dark angel, he appears, he kicks ass, he leaves. A Lesnar match is always a big deal but they’re so few and far between that they lose a bit of their luster in the long term. WWE should pay him whatever he wants to make more of an impact on the day to day proceedings.
12. Rob Van Dam: I’m not sure WWE knew what they were getting when they resigned Mr. Monday Night to a part time deal. What they got was lightning in a bottle. RVD looked great, he was insanely over and then he left, written out of the show as being “burned out.” Lame. We know he will be back and I would be shocked if his music doesn’t cue up during the Royal Rumble.
11. Triple H: Changing from the too cool for school babyface a-hole to the authority figure who abuses his power was the right call for The Game. Embrace the hate! Perhaps getting booed out of Wrestlemania finally taught him that smart fans really, really dislike him. Thus, giving us storyline reasons to want to see him get punched is more profitable than inserting himself into boring main event matches.
10. Seth Rollins: Believe in the Shield! These three guys together are money. They are all fantastic performers and all play their roles well. Rollins has been the least accomplished so far, but he has stolen Ziggler’s spot as the best seller in the business. Not a joke- he might die in the ring if he doesn’t tone it down. I also enjoy his constant yelling during matches. He sounds like a chain-smoking grandma at bingo.
9. Roman Reigns: The powerhouse of The Shield and the easy winner of the Most Improved Award. He actually has made the spear look like a viable finisher again after being badly damaged by Edge’s lingerie football tackles. You can tell by his beastly Survivor Series push that this is the guy they really love the most.
8. Dean Ambrose: What a clown! This guy redefines even the most basic of spots with his facial expressions and mannerisms. I particularly enjoy how he Irish whips somebody than runs after them and hits them on the ropes because WHY WOULD YOU WAIT FOR THEM TO BOUNCE AND COME RUNNING BACK? He’s the clear leader of The Shield and has been a long-reigning US champion.
Sierra! Hotel! India! Echo! Lima! Delta!
7. AJ Lee: For the first time in my wrestling life, a Diva is one of my favorite performers. She may be small but she is technically sound and crafty so it works for a heel. She lives and breathes for wrestling and it shows in her performances. She is skipping laps around the other ladies.
6. The Rock: I wrote extensively about why I disliked The Rock’s presumed final run with the company. (It’s the runaway winner of ‘post that gets the most clicks’.) Still, in theory he was a high profile figure who helped make the Wrestlemania season a bit more special. Even if it wasn’t as special as when he did it the previous year.
5. Randy Orton: Currently getting a run as “the face of WWE” even though his title reign has taken a back seat to Authority shenanigans. It can’t be ignored that he was floundering and seemed very disinterested in his job until being booked to win Money in the Bank. It also can’t be ignored that once he regained interest, he stepped up his game and put forth some of the best matches on the show.
4. Paul Heyman: Hands down the best talker in the business today. When he is on Raw, it is a better show. Be it bit players like Axel or big time guys like CM Punk and Lesnar, there is no one who doesn’t benefit from having Heyman as their advocate.
3. CM Punk: Spent the first half of the year as a cranky, injury-riddled mess who still powered through and had a solid run as a classic evil bastard heel. A vacation did him well and when he returned he was a happy babyface who looked like he was having fun again, particularly during his lengthy feud with Paul Heyman. Like Cena, Punk has reached the lofty status of transcending wins, losses and allegiances. He will always be over, as indicated by his getting a new T-shirt for sale every couple of months.
2. Daniel Bryan: Yes! Yes! Yes! If you don’t get excited and fall in love with wrestling while watching a Daniel Bryan match, then it’s just never going to happen for you. Bryan carried the company on his back during the post-Wrestlemania hangover and forced everyone around him to step up their game. Bryan is the rare talent who is beloved by all, young and old, smart or mark. Though his first main event program was booked rather poorly, he is still arguably the most popular guy on the roster. If he doesn’t stay on the top shelf and get a real title run eventually, it will be through no fault of his own.
1. John Cena: This was supposed to be the year of his storyline redemption and, by God, did they ever double down on Cena as a Superman among mortals. He won the Royal Rumble, he beat The Rock, and he held both major titles. Cena never loses. Off-hand, I can only think of three times he did not come out victorious in 2013. A quickly shrugged-off 6 man loss to The Shield, the first fall of his three part battle with Ryback and Summerslam when he put Bryan over clean. The major titles are finally going to be consolidated at TLC and it’s hard to imagine Cena not emerging as the unified, undisputed champion of everything. Even if he somehow doesn’t, it would be naive to think he won’t eventually RISE ABOVE.
That clip is an Eastbound & Down final season spoiler so don’t watch it if you haven’t seen the show and are planning to. I sought out that clip because Ken Marino’s arrogant sports talk show celebrity and his outrageous opinion of his audience (“I can shit in my hand and the morons will eat that shit gladly.”) feels an awful lot like what Vince McMahon & Co. must think about the “WWE Universe.” It’s like they’re not even trying sometimes. They know we will keep coming back no matter what. The mantra of the current on-screen power regime is doing what’s “best for business.” Ironically, almost everything about Survior Series is the worst thing it could be.
Randy Orton (c) vs The Big Show for the WWE Championship
The biggest sin on the card is that this is the wrong pay-off for the company’s biggest, most high-profile angle. Big Show has spent months being tormented by Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. He was forced to not help his friends while they were being attacked, he was forced to punch people he would rather not punch, and he was humiliated and emasculated at every turn. So when he threatened a lawsuit as a ploy to come back from being fired, the stage was set for him to get his revenge on …Randy Orton? HUH? I guess the story is supposed to be that he is sticking it to the man by forcing his way into a title match but there are a lot of problems with this. First, Big Show should want to get his hands on Triple H way more than he should want to be the champion. Second, this makes the champion, Orton, an afterthought in his own program. Show only wants to get the championship to stick it to The Authority. Sure, they’ve been going at it and yelling and stuff to shift the focus, but that’s actually worse because it negates the whole “Big Show was humiliated and fired” aspect that they’ve been running since Septemeber. Third, this is just not a marquee match-up. Your main event for one of the “big four” pay-per-views is a rematch of a mid-card match from Extreme Rules? Big Show is just not a main eventer at this stage in his career and I don’t think anyone really believes he has a chance to win the strap. Instead of feeling special and deserving of its big four status, Survivor Series is lined up to be just another crap-fest $55 episode of Raw that WWE has been churning out since Summerslam. A part-timer like Triple H lacing up the boots could have made the event special, but instead they went with a title match that nobody cares about.
John Cena (c) vs Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship
The problem here is Cena himself. He has come back as “Even Stronger” which translates to him never even coming close to losing. They continue to push the arm injury as a big deal but it’s not. His arm was injured when he beat Del Rio last month. His arm was injured when Damien Sandow beat him up with the Money in the Bank briefcase and cashed in on him. His arm was injured when he single-handedly defeated the Real Americans in a handicap match. There is nothing about the development of this story that has made it look like Del Rio stands a chance. I was hoping Cena would raise the prestige of this championship but instead he is holding it back by WWE refusing to book anyone else as a viable contender.
CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan of the Wyatt Family
This one really makes no sense. The conclusion of Raw a couple of weeks ago saw a tense showdown between the Wyatts and the Shield followed by a reluctant team up for the greater good of taking down Punk, Bryan, the Usos, Cody Rhodes and Goldust. It was one of the best moments of the year and everyone instantly got excited for the 6 on 6 classic Survivor match showdown on the pay-per-view. Except that WWE instead decided to book this regular tag match and put the leftover people (minus Bray Wyatt) into a seperate elimination match. The 6 on 6 match happened the next week on Raw. To recap, I was excited to pay my money to see this big match that they instead gave away on free TV. As I joked to my cousin, WCW Monday Nitro must have been breathing down their necks on that one.
Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match: The Usos, Cody Rhodes, Goldust & Rey Mysterio vs. The Shield & The Real Americans
Despite the already mentioned aspect of this not being the match everyone wanted to see, that won’t stop this one from stealing the show. Everyone in this match can bring it big time with the possible exception of Rey Rey, whose knees are just begging him to retire. So how did WWE screw this one up? By removing the drama of the mystery partner on the same night they announced it. I guess maybe there are a half dozen people who might be excited to see Mysterio return and order the show, but isn’t it much more intriguing to not announce the mystery partner until the start of the match? Hour 1 of Raw: ooooh, mystery partner! I wonder who it will be! Hour 3 of Raw: Oh, it’s Rey. If they had bothered to book this match more than a week beforehand, they could have played up a lot of possibilities. We could have all been wondering who it was for days and weeks and been getting excited to find out. Is someone returning? They could have teased that it was a return and had us speculating about Mark Henry, Sheamus, Christian, RVD or even The Undertaker, who has some experience as a mystery partner at Survivor Series. Instead, they would rather just kill the suspense immediately.
Big E. Langston (c) vs. Curtis Axel for the Intercontinental Championship
The blunder here was giving the title switch away on free TV. They could have played up Axel’s injury as him ducking the gigantic challenger but he was finally going to have to take his beating like a man at the pay-per-view. Instead Big E. trucked Axel on Raw and won the title setting up a rematch where no one thinks the challenger can win. Why give away Big E’s big moment? It makes no sense! Again, Nitro doesn’t exist anymore! You won! People will pay to see these things you’re just giving away. And also, to recap, that’s three title matches on the card and three challengers who don’t have a prayer of winning. That’s some solid booking right there.
7 on 7 Divas Elimination Match: the ladies of E! Total Divas vs. the ones not on E! Total Divas
I suppose I have no problem with this match as long as they play up the fact that the teammates might not all like each other. I don’t watch Total Divas but from the promos it looks like the Bellas and Natalya and the red-headed newb all don’t get along. And on the other side, anyone with a memory better than a guppy can remember that AJ and Kaitlyn don’t like each other. It’s an interesting premise that I have a feeling they will choose to totally ignore in favor of ‘everyone on Total Divas is a face and everyone who isn’t is a heel because they’re totes jealous, y’all’. So this match gets a pass because they haven’t screwed it up yet, I only suspect that they will.
Here’s a list of WWE wrestlers: The Miz, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, The Big Show, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, The Primetime Players, Mark Henry, Big E Langston, Tensai, Alberto Del Rio, Ricardo Rodriguez, The Bella Twins, Primo & Epico (repackaged as Fernando y Diego).
Here’s a second list: Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton, Ryback, Kane, Triple H.
The first is a list of face turns in the last calendar year. The second is heel turns. What is going on? Has the whole WWE locker room gone to anger management with Dr. Shelby? That’s a 17-5 swing, without even including the heroic returns to active duty of Chris Jericho, Christian, Rob Van Dam, The Rock and Goldust at one point or another.
Of course, the switch is just one storytelling device used in pro wrestling. There’s still plenty of evil on the roster. Most debuting new superstars begin their careers as forces of darkness. The Shield, The Wyatt Family, Fandango and Big E Langston have all debuted to boos. (mostly). Damien Sandow and Antonio Cesaro have maintained a presence on television after their rookie years. Michael McGillicutty, Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal were all repackaged into wrestlers you might catch in the ring on any given broadcast instead of holding up the walls in the background of locker room segments.
It’s well-documented that WWE has trouble creating new stars. I believe the situation is worse than that. They have no credible villains to battle their established stars. Whatever happened to the monster heel who could instantly debut as a force to be reckoned with? The Undertaker, Earthquake and Yokozuna were almost instantly thrust into the main event scene as viable threats to Hulkamania or, uh, BretHart-a-mania. But every modern day heel follows the same cycle. Strong push to start, followed a month or two later by one televised loss after another until they can no longer be taken seriously. Tensai in his original form gained pinfall victories over John Cena and CM Punk. A few weeks later he was losing in less than a minute to Tyson Kidd. Even as Money in the Bank winners, Dolph Ziggler and Damien Sandow couldn’t buy a win against anyone who was considered above them. The same could be said for heel champions such as former IC champion Wade Barrett and former US champ Antonio Cesaro. Fandango debuted with a Wrestlemania victory over Chris Jericho. Now he’s losing clean to Santino. Even the Wyatt family has not been immune to this. “OH MY GOD, these psycho hillbillies are monsters who might kill you for real!!!!!!…oh, never mind, they just lost to the Usos.” Imagine in 1989 if Earthquake, instead of threatening to end Hulkamania, had been getting constantly schoolboyed by Koko B. Ware. That’s the biggest difference between then and now. The last time WWE was appropriate for all audiences, we still had bad guys who could win. It makes the payoff that much better when the hero finally overcomes the villain. Today’s stories are so messed up that even when there is one told properly, it has the wrong outcome. Daniel Bryan spent the fall trying to be the the conquering hero who would take down the evil powers-that-be. Except when he failed over and over again. (Triple H, who refreshed his character by playing the talent-burying asshole we all think of him as, turned out to be exactly who we thought he was!)
While I was typing this, John Cena went back in time and hit the AA on John Tenta.
Of course, the best example is the way Ryback has been completely ruined. He was a babyface force of nature who no-sold his way into the main event scene. As a heel, earlier this year, he forfeited a match because The Miz kicked him in the leg. He is an aimless, wimpy joke and I’m not sure it’s redeemable. Well, it is, but to do that, he’d have to start beating the Cenas and the Punks, which of course will never happen.
It’s getting hard to watch, is what I’m saying.
Back to that 17-5 face-to heel swing ratio. You would assume the writers would eventually realize this. So who can rise up to the main event level and even the playing field? Is it possible? I’d love to see Sheamus return from injury as a villain. It wouldn’t be that hard to say that John Cena never called to see how he was doing or that he was never mentioned on a single broadcast since going on the shelf. He could come back totally pissed off. Mark Henry’s face turn was not particularly well-done. (The Shield beat him up). That could easily be retconned out of existence when he is healed up. Or how about just letting Barrett or Sandow or Cesaro just win a freaking high profile match for once?
Power Rankings
10. The Rhodes Brothers: Ask Zack Ryder how being John Cena’s bestest buddy works out for people.
9. Randy Orton: The WWE Champion is getting lost in the shuffle of this increasingly horrible corporate angle. I am shocked Big Show is getting a title shot instead of a match with Triple H. They’re giving this angle the wrong payoff, in my opinion.
8. Total Divas: The women are being shoved down our throats again in promotion of the E reality show returning. So if you enjoy barely-trained airheads getting roll-up victories over established talent, you are in heaven right now.
7. Tyson Kidd: Speaking of reality, Kidd returned from injury, scored a vicotry over Fandango and got acknowledgment on Raw that Natalya is his real-life bride. Sorry, Great Khali. Everyone just please politely forget that you were still kayfabe dating Nattie as recently as the Hell in a Cell ppv.
6. CM Punk: I’d just like to specify that any Punk merch I own is in support of the evil bastard who hates everyone and not this pandering babyface crap.
5. Renee Young: She is the most professional broadcast journalist to be hired by WWE in as long as I can remember. More calling matches on NXT, please. Less having to deal with a midget dressed as a bull humping her leg because he’s …horny. Ugh.
4. Kane: Got kayfabe promoted to “Director of Operations.” It was worth it if only for the many, many puns the internet came up with upon seeing his new look.
3. Curtis Axel: Raw advertised an IC title match for Wednesday’s episode of Main Event that never happened and was never mentioned again. Clearly, Axel has some powerful friends.
2. John Cena: It is inaccurate to say Cena can’t wrestle. The new full nelson neckbreaker is pretty cool. He just can’t cut a promo aimed at anyone over the age of 10. That’s what makes him truly terrible.
1. Wade Barrett: The Great Barrett Barrage remained undefeated since not being booked to appear on television. WWE is in Europe for the next batch of TV tapings so expect a triumphant return very soon. Minions of the Dark Side! Unite under the leadership of Wade Barrett!
Last year, Night of Champions was an above average card featuring one of the always-epic showdowns between CM Punk and John Cena, the coronation of Team Hell No, aka, the greatest dysfunctional tag team of all time, and the beginning of the “who attacked Kaitlyn?” mystery. (Ok, so it wasn’t all great.) With football and the new seasons of fall televison, this is a pivotal moment in WWE’s calendar. They need to hold people’s attention and last year, they were able to do that. Night of Champions received positive reviews and high marks, seemingly cementing it as one of the more important events on the pay-per-view carousel. Sadly, this year WWE has taken all that good will and potential and flushed it down the toilet. Normally for even the crappiest-looking PPV, I struggle against the urge toward a last minute purchase. I do not have that feeling for the 2013 Night of Champions. There are many reasons why.
1. I AM READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!
I love WWE, but I also love the NFL. And nothing can stop the football juggernaut when it comes rolling around, not even my passion for wrestling. Raw ratings and ppv buys are about to nosedive and it really has nothing to do with the quality of the WWE product, which has indeed been closer to excellent more often than not lately. The NFL is a weekly event for the entire fall and most of the winter. It really is like 17 Wrestlemanias in a row and there’s nothing WWE or anyone can do to fight it. You just have to deal.
Every week, I can watch 8 hours of wrestling and if there’s an event on Sunday, it’s 11. If that’s not enough, I can watch their DVDs or watch anything I can think of on youtube or even the WWE’s own website. Wrestling is always there for me. Football is not. Every football game should be savored. WWE is fast food and the NFL is a steakhouse in NYC. Availability is definitely a factor and WWE has saturated its market to its full potential. I won’t say OVERsaturated because I can’t get enough, BUT I do have the ability to choose other things and get back to wrestling later. WWE is particularly unlucky this year because NOC is going up against Seahawks-49ers, which has quickly turned into a rivalry on par with Cena-Punk. Also part of the football factor is the ol’ wallet. My Directv bill is an extra 50 bucks during football season so that I can get Sunday Ticket. If I’m going to be compelled to throw away another 60 on top of that, it would have to be a really spectacular and intriguing card.
Let’s be honest; I’m probably not spending any more money on wrestling shows until the Royal Rumble and WWE knows it. That’s why they put all the effort into Rumble, Mania and Summerslam and treat almost everything else like throwaways.
2. I AM ALSO READY FOR OTHER THINGS I LIKE!
Fall TV is not quite back yet, but it will be soon. In the meantime, there’s this little show called, oh, you know, BREAKING BAD. aka the greatest show of all time. And it’s ending very soon. There are only three episodes left as of this writing, and the fourth to last one just ended on a bone-rattling cliffhanger in mid-scene. Football can make me not order a wrestling show. Breaking Bad might make me forget to check the results of the wrestling show.
Also, I work a different schedule than my wife and we don’t see each other much. The reality show, Big Brother is one of the shows we can actually watch together on Sunday, so that is also a contender for my attention. Part 1 of their season finale begins tomorrow night.
3. WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT THEIR CHAMPIONS IF THEY DON’T?
Night of Champions is supposed to be a special event where all the titles are defended on the same card. Unless of course, a top tier guy is feuding with your manager and defeating you would give him a belt he’s “too good for.” Making CM Punk vs Curtis Axel & Paul Heyman a non-title match not only disrespects the championship and nullifies the premise of the pay-per-view, it also makes the outcome completely predicatable. WWE is banking on the fact that you want to see CM Punk beat up Paul Heyman. Heyman even admitted he was going to lose in his Smackdown interview. Nothing about this angle benefits Curtis Axel or the IC title, nothing about it makes me want to buy the show and lastly, it makes CM Punk look kind of like a jerk. As discussed many times before, WWE loves making their heroes act like assholes…. If it’s all the same to you, I will skip the epic moment when the legit badass finally gets to beat up the portly middle-aged non-wrestler, thanks.
4. THE MAIN ANGLE HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN
The worst part about having 5 important hours of free TV a week and a dozen pay-per-views a year is that they either have to hotshot through everything and get to a pay off way too fast (see: John Cena and Mark Henry’s one month feud), or they have to play things out with a slow burn that makes every important show have super obvious outcomes. (see: John Cena winning the Rumble and Rock defending the title against CM Punk). Now we have the latest battle between the fan favorite and The Man, this time being portrayed by Daniel Bryan and Triple H, respectively. They’ve built this whole story around Randy Orton being the face of the company and Bryan being held back because he has a face only a mother could love. It’s really, really good stuff for the most part….and there’s no way it’s ending after one month. Triple H is not getting heavily involved so that you will order Night of Champions. He is involved to take us all the way down the Road to the Road to Wrestlemania and beyond. Punk may have guaranteed that he will get his hands on Heyman, but WWE has also pretty much guaranteed that Bryan is not getting the title back on Stage 1 of his journey. If you want to see in what exact way he gets screwed over, by all means, order the show. But I myself will be perfectly satisfied reading and hearing about it and we can move on from there.
The Irish Whip 